


Disenchanted

by elysianseraph (femboy_hatake)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Promises, Divorce, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Married Couple, Married Life, but it gets better, idk how to tag this, shikamarus kind of a shitty husband
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:21:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24437350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femboy_hatake/pseuds/elysianseraph
Summary: Shikamaru doesn't know why he doesn't say sorry. He doesn't know why he can't bring himself to the task - but he swears. He swears he loves you more than anything.
Relationships: Nara Shikamaru/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 121





	Disenchanted

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is sad lmfao!! shikamaru seems like someone who struggles with fixing certain mistakes until it really hits him so i wrote this but i adore that man. this takes place during the blank period where kakashi is hokage.

The kitchen is always eerie at night. A single dim light surrounded by a glass structure sits over the granite counter tops of their shared home when Shikamaru stretches his arms over his head. He sighs, a deep sort of sigh that sits in his chest that he didn’t realize he’d been holding the whole time. He shivers, unsure whether it’s from anticipation for a good night's rest or just from the general air of being home. He doesn’t think too hard for now - he does that all day and he’d rather have it turned off when he comes home. 

Hokages advisor was an interesting career path, but more than anything the one he was destined for. Not far from his father's career, he had always known that he would work under the Hokage. He hoped the hokage he would work longest under would be Naruto, but that was neither here nor there. That day hadn’t arrived, so Shikamaru did his work with an effortless sigh and a lingering crick in his neck. He tried not to think hard about much other than work, or other than the village and his pay grade was representative of that. He doesn’t feel compelled to justify his work - it wasn’t like he didn’t know his career choice wasn’t very appealing to most. Duty is duty, responsibility never sleeps. Shikamaru is lazy, but he’s anything if not willful at best. 

Shikamaru sheds his worry for only a moment, walking into the kitchen with a weight that drops in his stomach. It’s hard to describe the emotion you feel when you make a mistake of this kind - it’s not caliber as much as it’s how often. The weight of many, many mistakes as opposed to one simple one. Shikamaru feels.. discomfort. Another heavy sigh settles in his skin, and he stares at your sleeping form on the counter. He feels more than guilty - this feeling feels a lot heavier. It sits on his chest and suffocates him. Shit, shit shit. You snore quietly as you lay still with your head in your arms, folded over the table next to a half-picked plate of food and another one - full directly in front of you. Shikamaru sighs, walking up to you with an unsure gaze and stance. 

Your shoulders rise and fall every so slightly, the sleep must’ve been heavy. Your neck is going to hurt in the morning, he’s sure. His eyes check the time, it’s 11 o’clock. You had work today, which you come home from around 7 so you hadn’t been there for more than 4 hours. He puts that together by the dirty dishes in the kitchen, the way there's seasoning left on the countertop that you likely forgot to put away. Shikamaru told you in the morning, half-asleep and annoyed with your questions of when he’d be coming home. His throat closes up, and he stares at your sleeping figure with an empty sort of gaze. What is there for him to do? He isn’t sure. He should wake you up, but he feels frozen in place. 

You stir, ever-so-slightly before stretching a bit. You’re a little startled as you rise up, seeing Shikamaru stand over you a small. A gasp escapes your lip, followed by sweet laughter and then a sigh. You blink at him, a light flush in your skin as you look his way. He doesn’t know how to register what is normally a welcome sight - it feels too precious for him to look at. 

“Sorry,” your voice is raspy, there's a dryness in your eyes and you place a hand on your forehead - Shikamaru puts together that you’d been crying, and another wave of hurt washes over him “I fell asleep,” you give a small, tired laugh. It wasn’t the average kind of tired, he notes but doesn’t let himself think about it. You stand, a small stretch - you're dressed in an outfit he likes to add salt to the wound. He looks at you carefully as you stretch your arms over your head, he sees the way your skin speaks out through the bottom of your top. It feels fond, the stretch marks on your skin he loves. He swallows the knot in your throat as your hands drop to your sides, wiping your eyes before blinking up at him. You reach a hand out for the side of his face, placing a chaste kiss on his lips before giving him a flat smile. 

Shikamaru's hand reaches out for yours instinctively, holding it in place for a second before you pat his cheek. 

“I’m gonna head up to bed soon, I’m really tired,” you comment, looking at everything around you intently before your eyes settle on him “If you don’t feel too tired, could you pack my leftovers in the lunch tins I take to work? I’d do it but I feel like my legs are jelly,” you laugh again, like everything was okay. Shikamaru is speechless, silent but he nods. You give him a friendly grin, too akin to the kind of smile you’d give a friend who did you a favor. Not a smile for husband, not even a smile for a boyfriend.

“Thanks,” no sweet nickname follows, instead you kick the dust under your feet with a curt look “Don’t stay up too late, you should rest. I made you some lunch to take tomorrow, so try and eat when you get the chance,” you look at him again, another simple smile. It absolutely aches. 

“See you tomorrow,” you say finally. Shikamaru nods dumbly, all the words stolen from him as he watches you disappear upstairs without a final thought. Shikamaru looks at the plates of food. His is full, there’s more meat then rice and you separated the sauce in the way he normally eats. Your plate has less care too it, half-eaten like you’d taken a bite but decided you had no appetite. Shikamaru could’ve called, right? He could’ve… done something, right? He knows that, but for some reason he can’t dwell. He can’t do anything. He just sits in the chair across from yours, staring at the empty space where you just were. He eats his food silently, under eerie kitchen lights and breathes for only a second. He doesn’t know what time this had been, but maybe it was one too many. 

__ 

Weeks pass and Shikamaru forgets about that first day. Things are as normal as they can be, so he can’t say he’d been thinking of the day since it happened. Not when you put on a smile for him the next day, not when you kiss him when he’s home, not when you fold his clothes. Shikamaru believes it’s okay, and with that - he works at the average pace that he does. He works efficiently above all, next to Kakashi who works in a comfortable silence with him. Shikamaru chews the end of his pen, reading over some papers with a furrowed brow. 

“Signing this deal isn’t likely a good idea,” Shikamaru states. Kakashi looks over at him, putting down his final signed paper before reaching out for the paper that Shikamaru has in his hand. He looks over it, clicking his teeth in agreement before nodding.

“Let them know that we won’t be agreeing then,” Kakashi says with a sigh. Shikamaru nods, putting the papers in a pile with all the others' messages he’ll have to send and sort a little later on. He sighs, going to pick up another paper before Kakashi stops his hand. 

“We’ve gotten through quite a bit more than normal,” Kakashi says, clearly as exhausted as Shikamaru. He hums, laying back a bit “We’ll take a break for today. Go home to your wife,” Kakashi instructs. Shikamaru looks at him surprised, suppressing the guilt that he feels and nodding instead. He pats his pocket instinctively, checking to see if he had a cigarette pack and sighing with relief that he did. He needed one and he needed to be out of that stuffy office as quick as he could be. He packs his bag, slinging it over his shoulder before waving Kakashi goodbye. Scuffling into the hallway, he inhales. It’s still later in the day, the sun barely about to set. 

He makes his way out onto the street. He’d walk home in a bit, you don’t like when he smokes in the house so you ask him to do it before he comes back or outside if it was an urgent need. He’d been trying to quit for the longest, and he’d manage to get through from four cigs a day to around 3 or 4 times a week. His lungs thanked him, really they did. He settles on a spot on the roof of a building- he likes the isolation of being on top of a building as it allowed him not to disturb anyone. He pulls the pack out and a lighter, lighting the cigarette before letting it hang between his lips. He sits with his legs hanging off the edge, just high enough not for anyone to see him. He has a view of the whole market from here, and he likes the people watching as he takes his smoke break. 

Shikamaru is surprised to see you. You’re dressed to the nines, and you're surrounded by other familiar lead kunoichi. He stares at all of you curiously, had you planned an outing? Everyone looked more dressed up than normal - even for a hangout. Shikamaru hones his listening, he’s lucky it’s fairly quiet as he tries hard to listen to the conversation. It wasn’t terribly busy, so it wasn’t difficult.

“You look so pretty, Y/N,” Sakura compliments. You flush, skin heating up as you pat the skirt down on your thighs with a smile. You were wearing a two piece, a skirt and top that Shikamaru saw you pick out once. He’d never seen you in it before, you looked beautiful. He smiles a little pridefully. You wear a jacket over it, but it’s not his. 

“Y-Yeah?,” you almost sound like you’re in disbelief. Hinata gives you a tiny smile, reaching her hand to squeeze yours and giving you an encouraging nod. You feel butterflies in your stomach, everyone was almost too supportive. Ino gives your backside a playful squeeze, and you can’t help but yelp as everyone falls into laughter. You shove her a little for the gesture, but you can’t help but laugh too. Shikamaru watches intently. 

“Hell yeah! You look great, I feel like I only ever see you in work clothes,” Ino pouts. You chuckle a bit, shoving your hands into your coat pockets with a huff “It’s cause all I do at this point is work,” you say with a sigh. You worked with the village for development and tech. You had a great head on your shoulders, and you were pretty tough too.

“You really do,” Tenten butts in. Hinata agrees with her as everyone walks towards the restaurant “But, it’s your birthday - so we’re gonna get food and hangout and you’re going to relax damn it,” Tenten interjects. Shikamaru freezes. Birthday?

“Shika should be here,” you say, almost as if you know he’s there. He chokes up, jumping into an alleyway close by to get a better idea of the conversation. Ino makes a noise of disapproval. 

“Of fucking course he should, but he’s an idiot. If you didn’t tell me not too, oh my god - I would’ve given him a piece of my damn mind,” Ino swears. He cringes, especially at everyone who seems to agree completely. He feels like shit immediately, he forgot your birthday? Of all things? 

“He’s just busy, Ino. It’s okay - I’m sure he didn’t mean too,” you manage to defend him. Shikamaru has never felt this terrible in his whole life, and Sakura nearly punches a whole in the floor as she scoffs. 

“Even so, Y/N - you’re his wife. Birthdays and anniversaries should never be forgotten,” Hinata interjects. You sigh a bit, you can’t say she’s wrong. Shikamaru lays his head sullenly on the concrete. 

“I know. I know I just don’t wanna think about it right now, or I might cry. I just wanna make the best of the rest of today,” your tone is joking, but your words are serious. Shikamaru wants the earth to swallow him whole, cursing himself for his attitude. He didn’t even come close to remembering - it wasn’t even on his mind. Shikamaru nearly bites a whole in his lip from chewing it so intensely. 

Everyone nods understandingly and Shikamaru has never felt worse. He can barely bring himself to be there any longer, so as soon as he sees you all walk into the restaurant - he makes a mad dash home.

You come home from your dinner only a few hours later. Shikamaru has been laying in bed in total silence, trying to sleep and ignore the pressing issue but failing. He feels you slide into bed next to him, and his whole body shudders. He’s unmoving, breathing steady but heart rate fast as he hears your voice call to him in the darkness. He doesn’t say anything, and he wonders if you know that he’s awake. 

“Are you asleep?,” 

Silence. Aching silence. Shikamaru made the decision that it might be worse if he pretended to remember on his own, so he told himself not to bring it up at all. He feels estranged from you, his own wife but he can’t place blame on anyone but himself. He hears you sigh, your voice broken as you flip over to the other side. Opposite from him on the side of the bed.

“Guess so,” you say softly, with a broken laugh. He bites his lip, tears stinging his eyes in sheer guilt and distress “Happy birthday to you, Y/N,” the comment is far from bitter. It’s a held weight, one that you only said because you assumed he was asleep. It was your right to feel that way, it really was. He can’t help how feels either, but he knows it

Shikamaru doesn’t sleep the whole night. You greet him in the morning with a tired smile, a kiss, and coffee. You love him like you never stopped. He holds out, hoping things get fixed. 

Perhaps you’re too good at fixing the mask. Perhaps he should’ve tried harder to see past it. 

—-

It has no right to bother him like it does. Really, it doesn’t. Still, that feeling of jealousy eats at his stomach as he sees you chat next to Kiba who's making you smile with all of your teeth. Kiba has an irresistible sort of charm - dashing and daring smile and a laden urge to help people out. He was certainly good at getting your attention, the way Akamaru's head lays in your lap as Kiba tells you a story all animated. Shikamaru shouldn’t feel this way, insecure and upset but he can barely keep his eyes off at how the two of you talk. He can barely keep his eyes off of how beautiful you look in lavender purple, or how your skin looks flushed under summer heat. 

Shikamaru doesn’t normally feel jealousy. It’s unsightly for someone like him who pretends not to care about anything at all to care so much about one thing but he feels so deeply. It rocks him to his core, but on the outside it’s barely noticeable. He takes a sip of the lemonade in his cup, as he stares at you with a hardened expression. He’s alerted by Inos presence, who pulls up next to him with a plate of food and a roll of eyes. 

“You’re an asshole,” Ino can’t help herself from commenting. Shikamaru looks over at her with a glare, as if she’d never seen one before. “She’s too good for someone like you,” 

It stings because she’s right. As of right now, Shikamaru doesn’t deserve the woman he married. He doesn’t deserve to be with someone who folds his laundry without asking and makes sure he never forgets to eat. Who kisses him before she sleeps even if she’s mad, who never lets him go to bed too angry. Who puts up with all of his shitty moods and makes him feel human. 

Shikamaru scoffs stubbornly instead. The reality of losing you bears a burden on him too great yet he can’t admit how flawed he’s being. He feels stupid, and childhish but he feels like he’s in too deep. So he stays stagnant, and Ino places a hand on his shoulder - making him look at her with an emphasis in her brow bone. 

“Get your shit together before she figures out she deserves better. It’s going to come whether you like it or not,” Ino doesn’t normally butt into his life unless she has too. He knows he should listen to her, but it feels like it’s gone to shit so he just sighs. He doesn’t know how to fix it, he doesn’t know if he should. He just mumbles “I know,” and goes back to staring at you again. This time Kiba is dancing with you on the floor, and Shikamaru barely holds on. 

He’s aware his marriage is hanging in the thread of a needle but he doesn’t understand it yet. He will, soon enough. 

—

“I didn’t know you and Kiba were so close,” 

It’s a kingpin really. He knows that, but the words fall from his lips as he watches you through the mirror. You’re patting your face dry with a towel, wearing an old T-shirt and pajama pants that hang low on your hips. Your eyes meet him in the mirror furrowed. 

“Really? I see him for work a lot. Sensory-nin are helpful when designing stuff,” you explain - voice even. Shikamaru scoffs and your eyes harden even further 

“You didn’t seem like close friends,” He spurs it on. What is he doing? He knows it doesn’t make sense but he can’t hold back from it either. You place the towel on the dressed down before reaching for toner and cotton pads. You almost feel like you’re misinterpreting all of it - Shikamaru who ignored your existence for the last months of your marriage being jealous over mostly friendly dancing and conversation? You have high doubts. 

“What’re you talking about?,” 

Shikamaru grits his teeth. He’s not angry but he’s frustrated and the pain has to go somewhere. The hurt has to go somewhere, but it feels out of touch even for him. It feels like self-sabotage. 

“You looked like quite the lovely couple,” 

There’s a beat of silence, and the bite of a sarcastic laugh. He stares at you, the way your eyes turn into slits as you stare him down lights his stomach up. You turn to him with a cocked brow. 

“I’m trying to understand what you’re on about,” you start, a hand on your hip as you stare at him “and if you’re implying that I’m getting too close with Kiba because we danced and talked - you really must be out of your mind,” you finish

“What the fuck else was I supposed to think? He was flirting with you all night, and I know you’re not stupid enough not to notice,” he spits. His voice shakes but he isn’t yelling, he still sounds like he doesn’t really care but there’s a pat of irritation in his tone. 

He watches you carefully. You chuckled, dry and decimated as you looked at him with tired eyes. You have it in you to fight, of course but it doesn’t come. You don’t want to fight for this anymore especially if he was going to ruin the one good day you’d had all week. You tear your cries from your throat and shut your eyes tight. A deep breath as you relax your shoulders and ask. 

“Do you want to her a divorce, Shikamaru?,” 

It’s deadly quiet. You’re sure you could hear a pin drop, even under the weight of silence this suffocating. You’re keeping your composure well, but maybe because you’d figure this conversation was only inevitable. He looks shaken - he  _ is _ shaken, his whole being shudders at the thought. He looks at the floor and then back up to you with an estranged look. 

“Why’re you asking me that? You’re willing to divorce over a simple fight -“

You cut him short. 

“It’s more than a fight,” you look at him heartbroken, with silent tears falling from your face “and you know that,” 

He quiets at that. He knows he should say something but you're right. You’re just so right. He doesn’t want a divorce so he opens his mouth to fight but it’s cut short. 

“It’s every time you don’t come home,” you start, really just self-soothing. It’s like the flood gate breaks, and the words come so easily 

“It’s everything. It’s not like I don’t know you’re busy, but no matter how hard work is I make time for you,” your crying through every word and Shikamaru looks at you pained 

“I don’t have it in me to cheat you but sometimes I wish I did,” you admit quietly. Shikamaru chokes on a breath “I’d give anything to love you less,” you laugh. He can’t keep from sobbing. 

“It’s my fault. Maybe I should’ve said something before, but you were busy and I thought you’d pick up on it because you’re you,” you’re barely breathing as you speak “I never knew for sure, so I’m sorry for assuming. Sorry for not saying anything,” 

“In my heart, I’d like to believe you didn’t know. You can’t try if you just... don’t know, right?,” 

Shikamaru stares at you hard. You look so blank and empty and he feels like he’s going to sink into the ground. 

“I love you so much, I didn’t even get mad at you when you forgot my birthday. Kiba remembered, he bought me a slice of cake and gave me a hug. All the girls took me out to eat but all I wanted to do was spend time with you. Just for a little while,” you lean on the dresser as tears fall sloppily on the floor. Your knuckles are pure white. 

“I always forgive you because I hope, just once, that you’ll put your foot out for me. Just for a second, at least like we were friends,” you glance up at him with a smile. Your eyes are so red. 

“You never do. So, yeah - when Kiba flirted with me at the party today, I just let him. I danced with him to music that was too loud and he made me laugh. I’ll never love him, I’d never be with him but I just couldn’t stop myself from feeling wanted by someone, just for a little while,” you shake your head, ghosting your hands over your shoulder after months of neglect. Shikamaru wants to speak, but you stop him. 

“Someone looked at me like they wanted me and it just felt so bittersweet. It should’ve been you. You should’ve been the one to hold my waist and dance with me, even if you roll your eyes. It should’ve been you next to me when it was my birthday, eating cake and talking about stupid things, it should’ve been you I came home too after a long day,” you rant and hurt and cry and then hurt some more. 

“I wish it was you. I wish you were there, just a little bit more. I wish I didn’t have to ask for love only to be denied it,” your heart nearly breaks into pieces. Everything you’ve held in for all this time. Every thought and prayer. Every second glance. 

Shikamaru is sobbing, and you’d like to hold him but you’re too exhausted now. You’re too tired to take care of anyone else. It’s so exhausting fighting for something that barely exists anywhere than on marriage papers. 

“You’re busy, I get it - I just can’t keep going like this. If we get divorced now, maybe we can both be a little more lively. Maybe we can learn to be friends someday - I don’t know,” you laugh lighthearted. You hated the idea of being with anyone but him, but it made sense right? Maybe he’d find someone else and you could at least be happy for him. It didn’t make sense to you either. 

“I love you,” he speaks for the first time. He hates how easily you laugh, not mocking but sincere, able to find the humor even in something like this. Shikamaru is reminded of all the reasons he loves you, regaining his composure. He breathes deeply, unsure of how to have a handle on anything. 

He manages to stand on his two feet, and he watches how you fold in on yourself. He brings a hand to the side of your face, and you look at him with swollen eyes. 

He doesn’t know what to do. So, in lieu of trying to make it all make sense he kisses you deeply, intimately with his hands gripped to the front of your shirt and eager lips. He kisses you hard and deep and fast. 

“I’m sorry,” a kiss follows, a bated breath, and then a deep gaze into your eyes. I’m sorry won’t fix it, so you shake your head and go to pull away, but he kisses you again. You fight for a fleeting moment, but his grip on your waist so firm “I love you,” his voice cracks at that. He’s holding you so tight, like any looser and you’d fall away. Maybe that was the case. 

His face is close to yours, touching his nose to yours with a broken sigh. He doesn’t cry often, he didn’t even cry when you two got married. Yet, he’s crying with a broken voice. You soothe him because you can’t help it, no matter how he made you feel you loved him so much. You loved him like he was your air, your home. He cries onto your neck, and just holds you. 

“Fuck,” he curses himself for crying, head already aching. You’re still, tiredly leaning against him. For the first time in months, the two of you lean on each other and maybe it’s hope but it feels like a barrier has finally been broken. You don’t get your hopes up for long, too afraid of what might happen if you do. He feels sweet, even crying. 

He pulls away, looking at your lips, then up to your eyes. You are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, all of the parts of you that he adores. You are nothing short of an angel, a halo resting over your head as he looks at you under dim lights that you turn on to sleep with. You look so tired, and a guilt strikes him as he remembers how he hurt you. He closes his eyes in fear, but then forces them open again. He has to fight - he owes it to you to fight. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers “Fuck, please - I can’t lose you,” he shudders. You whimper under his touch, under the weight of his words as he stares so deeply into your eyes it feels like he’s looking into you 

“I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. I’m sorry I keep coming home late. I’m sorry I haven’t tried enough to keep you, or ever made you feel like…” he feels a strain in his voice “I’m sorry I ever made you fucking feel like I didn’t love you,” 

His face is buried in your neck, he breathes you in, placing a kiss on your neck and you whimper at the contact. It seems odd to have him touch you like that after all this time but it’s welcome. He breathes, kissing your neck again before sliding his hands underneath your t-shirt. 

“You give me a place to come home too,” he picks you up by your thighs, lifting you onto the dresser before kissing your neck again, speaking between kisses “You put me food on my plate, you fold my clothes, you make me feel like a man. You make this house a home and I..” He pauses - lifting your shirt up off over your head before kissing you again deeply. There's tears, but you’re unsure who they belong to. He presses his lips to your desperately, with softened tongues and clicking teeth. You give him air for a little while. 

“I almost lost you because of my pride,” he says when he pulls off. His gaze is dark, looking into your eyes as you bite your lip with intensity. Lust is a backdoor, simply an opener to getting closer. To tear down the walls of two people who are still so madly in love, but seem to have lost the way.

Your nipples are peaked, sitting on display under his tearful gaze. His hands hold them tight, and you can feel sincerity in his touch. It makes you feel full, heart still heavy but you understand. How he grips onto your skin, running his fingers over your nipples and listening to your voice as your head leans into the dressing table mirror. You roll your hips, his mouth coming around hardened peaks. His tongue flicks them, and your hands find his hair, loosely fallen over his shoulders. You pull it back for him, as he touches you with all the love in the world. Possession, pride, adoration - it all pours into both of you as he touches you like he hadn’t in so many months. 

“I’m sorry for being so prideful and stubborn,” he whispers into your skin. He bites a hickey into your chest, quietly letting his hands hold your hips. His strength shows, lifting you from the dresser before sitting you on the bed right after. He stands on his knees between your legs “I will do everything it takes to keep you here,” he promises to you. You believe him, maybe because you have too. Maybe because life without him right next to you, is even harder to bear. You want to believe him. 

Your hands find his face, skin smooth. A heavy look, as the both of you look deeply into the other for answers. For hope, that even though things break you can put the pieces together. You kiss him with all the might you have, with so much strength and you pull away; you hug him tight. 

“I forgive you,” you promise him. He looks at you, pressing his forehead to yours before kissing you - a silent nod. That’s enough. He hugs you again, wiping stray tears from your cheek before kissing it. 

“Lay down for me, please,” 

You do as he asks you. Laid on the bed, head in your pillows as Shikamaru takes his shirt off, before laying above you. You reach your hands up, falling over his chest covered in old scars. You look up at him with a tearful gaze, before shaking your head as he kisses you. He makes his way down your stomach, and neck with smooth soft lips. He kisses every inch of your bare skin, fingers looped in the waistband of your pajama pants. He looks at you body, your eyes that are softened, your jaw, your lips. He looks at you and you are so beautiful - like a statue made of something worth more than diamonds and gold. You are priceless. 

He holds your hips as he lowers himself, teeth grazing over empty patches of skin. He loves the way you sound - voice hiccuping as he breaks over inches of your skin. He loves you, and he will say it a hundred times if he really has too. He will never let you forget again. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he breathes against your skin. You cry out at his words - he’s normally so quiet in bed “So fucking gorgeous,” he hums, kissing down your naval before he ends up over your panties. These are worn, he’s seen them in the laundry a thousand times but they’re comfortable. He adores it, going to kiss up against your thighs. He spends time biting hickies into them, and you’re sensitive to all of it. He breathes deeply, continuously praising you as he goes 

“You’re so smart, and kind, and incredible. I’m so lucky you’re mine. I’m so sorry,” but it all comes out so rushed. 

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he places a kiss on your clothed heat, pulling the panties down before throwing them to the side. He kisses your clit, a long flat lick as his long hair falls over your thighs. You moan at the contact, your hands pulling his hair tight as he stares at you at you from between your legs. His tongue is pressed firm against your clit, throbbing his mouth as he works the smooth muscles between your legs. You taste sweet, and familiar and Shikamaru eats you out like he’s a depraved man. Starved of you for as long as he can remember, he drinks you in. All the arousal mixes with spit in his mouth, and he swallows it down with grace.

He can feel the way your orgasm creeps up, a stuttering buck of hips one too many times and the cry of his name. His name. He was so sincerely yours. 

“Shikamaru,” you whimper out, your thighs crushing his head as you buck your hips into his mouth. You orgasm so hard you think you pass out, so overcome with feeling as it hits you in short bursts and leaves behind a longer buzz. You choke on a breath before you say it again “I love you, Shikamaru,” you whisper. He kisses your thigh, letting you ride out your orgasm before leaning up. You kiss him softly, looking into his eyes and running your hands through his hair.

“I love you too,” he says sitting up. He reaches over you, to the bedside drawer before you stop his wrist. He looks at you confused, and you shake your head. He looks at you with wide-eyes, a blush on his unblemished skin as you look at him with a sincere, blown out expression. 

“I-it’s okay if it’s inside,” you say shyly. He looks at you wide-eyed again “I just.. want to feel you.. you know,” you’re so shy. Like you two were just stupid and in love - young and carefree. Shikamaru's heart nearly stops in his chest, you were so cute. His wife is so cute. 

“You’re going to kill me,” he chuckles, sweetly. He looks at you, leaning back over you as he feels your hands palm at his sweatpants. You squeeze tight and he groans, twitching. It’s been a while for him too, you realize. He looks down at you through his lashes, letting you pull his boxers down and giving a firm squeeze to his hips. 

“Fuck me, Shika,” you whisper to him, giggling. He looks at you with a cocked brow, but in his heart he’s never felt so happy. That there was hope for this feeling again, or that he has someone with him who makes him feel so free. You make Shikamaru feel so weightless - you make him feel loved, you make him feel manly, you make him at home. You did all on your own, and he wonders why he ever let it go so far but for now he just kisses you, growling into your neck as he teases your entrance. The tip of his cock aches, as it touches you. Your hips rut against him and he chuckles as you whine. 

“You’re too cute,” he jokes against your skin, as he pushes into you. You tighten around him and he nearly falls over, with a hot breath “So troublesome,” he jokes again. He’s inside you full as you wrap your arms his neck, pulling him close to you 

“Troublesome, huh?,” you say lightly, eyes fluttering shut as you feel him inside of you. You roll your hips and he chokes, taking in a sharp breath as he pulls his hips back in vengeance. You huff, but he simply smiles at you. He starts fucking you deep, slow, passionate before leaning into your ear. 

“Such a troublesome woman, really,” 

Shikamaru fucks you with tension in his hips. He remembers everything all at once, all the mistakes, all the worries, all the sleeplessness. He tenses for a moment, but then he thinks of you. You come to him in a moment like this with an ease, the sound of your voice in his ear. The touch of your skin. You are his whole world, and you make everything feel okay. He had to make sure his world didn’t fall out of the sky, he had to make sure he held you to the sun. He loves you more than he could ever say. Shikamaru is nothing if not flawed, but he will always learn from his mistakes. He will never make the same mistake again. 

Shikamaru feels you orgasm a second time, and he fastens his pace. Your whole body stutters, as you have a hazy orgasm wrapping your legs around Shikamaru to pull him. He follows suit quickly, spitting out a lazy stream of I love yous, pressing his head to yours with an eager grin. He loves you more than he loves anything in the world. 

He pulls out, collapsing against you. You welcome him with open arms, holding him as he cries silently into your neck. 

“I promise you I will never let you forget how much I love you,” he holds you to him, and you nod, sleepy. He looks at you so seriously, he means every word he said. He will show, no matter what it takes. 

You choose to believe. Because you love him. Because he’s worth it. 

He never does break his promises after that. Not once. 

__ 

(minor epilogue)

Your daughter stares at the both of you while she sits next to her friends at the barbecue - more embarrassed than she’s ever been in her whole life. She watches you with an exasperated expression, as Shikamaru's hands come around your waist and dance whisk you away slowly to the music playing. Shikamaru laughs at how happy you seem to be, the way you smile at him with all of your teeth. He spins you around a little bit, the two of you bumping hips. He’s not the dancing type, so he’s stiff but you’re the opposite. You’re a natural for the floor and you take his breath away. 

“Your parents are so cute,” one of your daughters' friends comment. She cringes at the thought, rolling her eyes as all of her friends look at you two in awe. Making some comments about how they hope their future boyfriend looks at them like that before your daughter hits them on the arms. 

You’re blissfully unaware, swaying to the music as Shikamaru holds your waist with an embarrassed blush. Anything for you, he figures. You look at him cheesy, a crease in your eyes as you give him a small giggle and he leans in to kiss you slow, soft. He pulls away, rolling your eyes at how you brighten up at the gesture. 

“She’s gonna be pissed, you know that, right?,” Shikamaru hums against you, glancing at your daughter who's red out of her mind.. You press your forehead to his, wine drunk and blissed out. Ino got you drunk off wine as soon as you showed up to barbecue and you didn’t care even a bit. You chew your lip guilty as your husband laughs, deep from his chest at your lack of remorse. He knew there was a reason he married you. Neither of you notice your friends sweet gazes, neither of you really care as they all dance next to you. You were here, with him, the person you loved most. That’s all that matters. 

“She’ll get over it,” you say warmly. Shikamaru laughs again, leaning up to kiss your forehead and rolling his eyes. 

“Guess she’ll have too,” he replies, before kissing your lips chastely “Troublesome, indeed,” 

“Troublesome?,” you say, fake offended “You better hope she doesn’t end up like me then,” 

Shikamaru chuckles, pulling you closer to him. How silly. 

That’s all he could ever hope for. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay!! that is all folks. there are like time breaks and stuff.


End file.
